Speaking of simplicity

Break it down its simplest way to brew all grain using only what’s on hand. I would grind my grain in a coffe grinder then mash in a coffe pot. Do my boil in a soup pot. Ferment in Tupperware . I’ll bet I can make a descent beer at least better than the garbage bag method. Speaking of the garbage bag method when I first heard the term biab that’s what I thought they were talking about so I didn’t pay attention to it.

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Sometimes you have to go really simple @brew_cat

Post Zombie Apocalypse Ale: Place your grains on a big rock and crack them using a smaller rock, collect water from nearby stream and heat over community fire, preferably using some sort of livestock dung or peat as fuel, place grains in pantyhose scored from the last run into nearby deserted town and mash in the big community kettle, pull the pantyhose grain bags and boil over the open fire hopping heavily with homegrown hops. Ferment in plastic garbage cans in the cave down by the stream using yeast cultured from my beard.


OMG :tired_face: Sneezles61

What if I don’t have a beard?

Wait, I’m supposed to wait until AFTER the zombie apocalypse before I do this??

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You can always chew your malt and spit it into the mash tun. Great conversion and should be at least as sanitary as beard inoculation!

Or just don’t wash the panty hose first and… Oh never mind.

Yes it’s been done.

Actually the way it’s done is letting the wort cool in open air overnight to collect wild yeast. I’ve done it and it works I have a jar of wild yeast that I collected on my front porch and have brewed some good saisons with it.

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Underarm hair.

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I’m never drinking any of you guys beer


OK, but I’ll have to use my mother-in-law’s panty hose. My wife is pretty skinny, I don’t think I could BIAB more than about a gallon of session beer in hers. But the mother-in-law? That’s 10 gallons of an RIS waiting to happen!

Thanks Cat, this thread has made my day!

Cheers to all,



You win the Internet for that one! I nominate that for post of the year.

I accept this award on behalf of all those folks out there who have ever used panty hose in the making of beer. I couldn’t have done this without all of you.

Seriously, Porkchoop, I bow to you as king of comic relief (although Danny made a great bid with his post). Just glad I could add something, even if it hasn’t helped anybody make better beer lol.

May all your beers have the right amount of funk!


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OK so in the interest of not making people puke we’ll use @brew_cat’s front porch yeast.

I’m 50/50 on the chewing and spitting the grist but if the rock cracking approach is laborious we could employ both methods.

Now we should discuss the grain bill. Also anyone grow hops?

Maybe we could submit this to the collab brew thread.

I’ve got yarrow. It’s growing wild, we can sub it for the hops. That’s going old school.

I mis-spoke, chewing the grain is only important for UN-malted grain. But that would be the simplest way to go.

I definitely like the yarrow idea but if we’re bittering with it we’re making grut right? I’d say we’re fairly committed to an old school approach at that point.

I think the colonists Bittered with spruce tips

I have plenty of spruce trees here. Wonder how they prepped the tips?

Just clip them when they’re a couple inches long. Use them as bittering or late additions. They actually have a bit of a lemony flavor when they’re still small, and don’t get a piney flavor until they start maturing. I’m planning on a spruce tip beer as well. Just don’t wait too long to pick them, or your beer will taste like menthol!

You guys are crazy. :smile:

The fire used the burn the dung MUST be started by rubbing 2 sticks together. No water treatment either! You have to figure out what malts brings your water into the correct pH. The spruce tips must be removed manually by hand, no scissors. Can only use a cool ship to cool.

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